A slinger on site told me the other day that people tell him I’m their favourite crane driver to work with. I won’t deny that this news stroked my ego just a little. I thought it was because I’m a shit-hot crane driver. Because I am, of course. But that wasn’t the reason. Apparently, it was because of my character.
This got me thinking. What did they mean by this?
I thought about all the other slingers I’ve worked with in the past. I got on with nearly all of them. I’ve made good friends with some and still have phone numbers after eight years in the industry.
I remembered some of them saying they loved working with me. One slinger even consistently addressed me as Uncle Jimmy, even constantly on the radio while banking me, and often told me how much of a nice person I am. Another fella messaged me out the blue to ask me to potentially provide a reference for a job he applied for at Hinkley Point.
These kind words the other day made me look inside myself to assess who I am and how I treat people. The result was quite refreshing. It made me feel good about myself. It led me to add material to my How to be a good crane driver article. Within this article, one of the first tips on how to be a good crane driver is ‘Rapport’.
In the article, I touched on the fact that rapport builds trust. It forms connections that help to communicate with your colleagues, put your point across without issues or being questioned, belittled, ignored, or worse.
It also helps you get away with mistakes that you make and allows you to forgive the mistakes of others easier. Because we all make mistakes.
But it goes deeper than that.
Having a good rapport with people makes for a more pleasurable experience. It makes the workday go quicker and smoother. Let’s face it, there aren’t many jobs that we thoroughly enjoy. We do them to put food on the table. So, we might as well make the experience as pleasurable as possible for us and those around us.
And that last point is key. The daily grind can make us self-absorbed. Tunnel vision can set it. Stress can take over, consuming us in our own worlds. There are also those who are just miserable bastards. Always seeing the negative in everything, bringing everyone else down. Or there are those of us who are just outright selfish. Always looking for an angle. Always looking to see what we can get for ourselves.
Do we want to only think about our own lives and what’s happening to us? I think a healthier attitude is to know that other people have problems, stresses, or whatever else.
A couple of guys concreted this once. I’ve worked on Lendlease sites in Stratford for about seven years, on and off. There are two security guys called Mohammed and Roosevelt that have been there the whole time, either stationed at the desk in reception or in their little hut by the turnstiles. These blokes are always happy. Always polite to people. True gentlemen.
I once asked them how they can be like this all the time, come rain or shine. They told me that anyone who walks through those turnstiles could have problems. Whether it’s financial, ill-health, or whatever. You just don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives. A friendly face or polite mannerisms makes life just that little easier for those people. It spreads positivity.
This leads me to my next point. It only takes one person to ruin a mood in an environment. If a person with bad energy walks into a room full of jovial people, that person can infect the room, bringing the others down.
It’s a bit like first impressions. I’m quite a spiritual person. So is my wife. She teaches me a thing or two about a thing or two. We once had a conversation about auras. She told me that our auras are larger than people think. They spread about 2 metres away from us all around. When people first meet in close proximity, their auras communicate with each other, collecting data about the respective aura owners. This is how first impressions are formed.
So, we these points in mind, my internal reflection after that slinger’s comments took me back to my past. I experienced a lot of trauma growing up, which deeply affected me in my late teens, leading me to depression and attempted suicide. Yet, an old friend once told me that all they remember of seeing me at school when they didn’t know me was a smile on my face.
I could easily go through life being morbid and negative, but choose to be positive and spread joy. It’s kind of a case of treating people how I would like to be treated.
I try to have a rapport with everyone. I try to be kind, polite and respectful at all times. Whether it’s with the toilet cleaners at work or the project directors. No one person is better than the next.
But people skills go further than being kind, polite and respectful. Yes, these attributes make others feel good. They can also get the best out of people, in terms of productivity. They’re also more likely to have people listen to you or do what you’ve asked them.
But what about listening to them? What about being attentive? Hearing is merely taking noises in through your ears, but listening is absorbing that information and processing it. Maybe questioning it. At least responding to it. There’s more about ‘listening’ in my How important is listening as a crane driver? article.
My dad sometimes asks me or the kids about something we told him months previously. An event or appointment. It could be anything. He listens and remembers.
There’s more to being attentive than listening, though. You can read people. Sense their mood. Read their body language. Ask them how they’re doing. See if you can do anything for them.
When I was training to be a crane driver during my apprenticeship, my company had the cohort attend a People Skills course at our one of our head offices. A lovely lady had eight of us in a room, educating us on how to communicate effectively, encouraging us not to shout and scream and swear when we’re up the crane, etc, etc.
But the most poignant thing she did in those two or three hours was an experiment. She had me leave the room for a couple of minutes and think of an embarrassing story to tell the group.
I went back in and started to tell my embarrassing but funny tale of when I worked as a pub maintenance engineer for a pub chain. I was getting right into telling them about me having to replace a broken toilet in the ladies’ loos. Pub toilets are usually in a row, right? Which means they all link up to the same waste pipe that runs along the back. So when you take one out, it leaves a hole in that waste pipe.
I got all animated, telling them that this woman knocked on the door, wanting to use the loo. I asked her if she needed a number one or number two. She said number one. Anyway, I said that would be fine as long as she didn’t flush, because the waste would go all over the floor through the hole where the broken toilet was.
Like a gentleman, I waited outside. When the lady…errm, woman/creature left and scurried off, I went back in to find shit all over the floor. She lied aaannd didn’t listen.
Now, let me tell you. I’m not very good with poo at all. Hence, why I almost threw up having to clear it all up.
Apologies. I digress. The point of this anecdote is that, as I was joyfully telling my group this story, I soon realised that nobody was paying attention. One person was taking notes on the session. Another couple were talking quietly amongst themselves like TV extras. A couple just sat twiddling their thumbs or pens, staring into thin air, and one sat next to me was engrossed in his phone.
I felt anger run through my veins. I even gave my mate on in his phone next to me an elbow and snarky comment.
However, I soon clocked on as to what was happening, much to everyone’s great amusement. It’s likely that people in that group will actually be reading this chuckling to themselves.
The point is, this was a very effective exercise given by that crafty but lovely lady, whatever her name is. I’m terrible with names. It proves the effect that attentiveness (or lack of) can have in an interaction, conversation, task, or whatever.
In an age where phones and technology are connecting people digitally, it’s also detaching people from one another in the physical form. People skills are going by the wayside. It shocks me the number of times I sit in a waiting room, on a train, or in a site canteen, and watch every single person locked into their phones. The digital connection is ever increasing. The human connection is rapidly dying.
Another experiment blew my mind. The rice experiment conducted by Dr Masaru Emoto.
In this experiment, Dr Emoto placed rice in three glass beakers and covered the rice with water. Every day for a month he said ‘Thank you’ to one beaker, ‘You’re an idiot’ to another, and completely ignores the third one.
At the end of the month, the rice that he had thanked began fermenting, giving off a nice aroma. The rice that he called an idiot turned black. And the rice that he completely ignored began to rot.
Dr Emoto thought that this experiment provided an important lesson. Our energy has a profound effect on our environment. He quite rightly believed that the positive energy he gave to the first rice jar is how we should treat our children. We should give them attention, listen to them, teach them, converse with them. Whereas indifference can be very damaging. But this isn’t just the case for children. We should do this with everyone. Positive energy breeds positive outcomes.
There are loads of videos of people doing this experiment, but here is his one. Check it out. I think it’s cool.
Conclusion
Well, I think the conclusion is pretty obvious now. Be nice to people. Kindness, positivity, attentiveness, conscientiousness, good sense of humour, respect, politeness, and all the rest of it, are all key ingredients in the recipe for rapport and people skills.
So, I’m glad that bloke said those kind words to me to make me reflect. It reminded me of my core, my values, so that I can continue to strive to be a better person for myself and others.
In fact, also it reminds me of my good pal, Dave Murrain. Everyone who speaks about him says great things. ‘He’s a diamond.’ ‘What a top bloke.’ ‘He’ll do anything for anyone.’ ‘A gentle giant.’
Everywhere we go, he has people wave to him or stop and chat to him.
There’s an important quality that I drum into my kids. Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. Until it’s time not to be nice.
Let’s not mistake niceness and kindness for weakness, people.